Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Feedback

Just me here folks.

Yesterday, Caren Johnson Literary Agency asked writers to submit some sentences from something they've written for a quick critique of the writing.

Of course, I was excited because secretly, this is my dream agency. I love some of the stuff they've done.

I'm even more excited now because this was the response I received from my opening paragraph of my WIP "The Long Road to Heaven."

Here's the opening:

The Long Road to Heaven

I fought my soul’s toughest battles within earshot of the strangers who knew me best. Smiling for the cameras, pretending to be some rock ‘n’ roll beauty queen – it’s an empty endeavor when you’re frozen on the inside. Sometimes I wondered how I pulled off being Heather Montgomery when I felt so removed from myself. I mean, it's easy finding ecstasy in the mind-blowing release that occurs delivering aural sex to a sold-out arena of screaming fans, but long nights on a tour bus become even longer when you’re afraid of what your nightmares and drunken ramblings might reveal.

Here's what Caren had to say:

"Hi Kat, This is an interesting opening paragraph. There’s definitely something here, but it feels slightly too long, despite it being only four sentences. Your sentences are weighty; there’s a lot of information about Heather, her life as a rock star (and perhaps that she is a little too pretty), her weariness at the life she leads and her success at what she does. I don’t know if we need all of this up front. However, I don’t want to push you too much in any direction since its a work in progress. What I’ll do is say keep me in mind when this is ready to be pitched. I did like that snippet, “finding ecstasy in the mind-blowing release that occurs delivering aural sex to a sold out arena of screaming fans”, because it almost is too much of a metaphor representing really good sex, but your prose feels literary enough to make the reader smile at the tongue-in-cheek smuttiness. Keep going…CE
Caren Estesen said (Of Caren Johnson Literary Agency)"

Yay! My dream agent wants me to pitch to her. WooHoo!

6 comments:

pseudosu said...

Wow Kat!
So, are you even at work today or just getting your manuscript ready for submission?! Very exciting! Way to go!

lynnrush said...

OH MY GOODNESS, KAT! I'm soooo excited for you! Praisin' God here.

Be sure to tell us when you're pitching/submitting to her so I can pray for ya.

Crimogenic said...

"What I’ll do is say keep me in mind when this is ready to be pitched."

WHOO HOO :) Fantastic. And she's definitely seems to like your writing. As for the first paragraph being a little weighty, that can be fixed.

Love the narrative voice and the descriptions! :)

R

Jill said...

Woohoo!! I am so excited about this!

gzusfreek said...

Wow! The Long Road to Heaven ends right at the door of the agent of your dreams! Praise God!

I can't tell you how happy I am for you! What an exciting time!

Thanks for sharing it; and definitly keep us posted!

Thanks for the thoughtful prose you left on my Word Wednesday blog post!

Rosslyn Elliott said...

Hey Kat,
There's a lot of great stuff in that paragraph. I'm not surprised she liked it!
I'd like to ask you another question about it in a less-public forum (because I'm intrigued). If you don't mind, will you email me at inkhornblue [at] hotmail [dot] com?