Just me here folks.
Yesterday, Caren Johnson Literary Agency asked writers to submit some sentences from something they've written for a quick critique of the writing.
Of course, I was excited because secretly, this is my dream agency. I love some of the stuff they've done.
I'm even more excited now because this was the response I received from my opening paragraph of my WIP "The Long Road to Heaven."
Here's the opening:
The Long Road to Heaven
I fought my soul’s toughest battles within earshot of the strangers who knew me best. Smiling for the cameras, pretending to be some rock ‘n’ roll beauty queen – it’s an empty endeavor when you’re frozen on the inside. Sometimes I wondered how I pulled off being Heather Montgomery when I felt so removed from myself. I mean, it's easy finding ecstasy in the mind-blowing release that occurs delivering aural sex to a sold-out arena of screaming fans, but long nights on a tour bus become even longer when you’re afraid of what your nightmares and drunken ramblings might reveal.
Here's what Caren had to say:
"Hi Kat, This is an interesting opening paragraph. There’s definitely something here, but it feels slightly too long, despite it being only four sentences. Your sentences are weighty; there’s a lot of information about Heather, her life as a rock star (and perhaps that she is a little too pretty), her weariness at the life she leads and her success at what she does. I don’t know if we need all of this up front. However, I don’t want to push you too much in any direction since its a work in progress. What I’ll do is say keep me in mind when this is ready to be pitched. I did like that snippet, “finding ecstasy in the mind-blowing release that occurs delivering aural sex to a sold out arena of screaming fans”, because it almost is too much of a metaphor representing really good sex, but your prose feels literary enough to make the reader smile at the tongue-in-cheek smuttiness. Keep going…CE
Caren Estesen said (Of Caren Johnson Literary Agency)"
Yay! My dream agent wants me to pitch to her. WooHoo!