Thursday, January 29, 2009

The beautiful war


"A-ha! I found it!"

Believe me when I say this folks, this is an expression you never want to hear from your hairdresser.

It's a little unnerving when you hear her make such an exclamation while standing behind you with a scissors in hand.

Terror sweeps over you. Your palms begin to sweat. Your heart begins to beat a little faster.

What did she find?

A bald spot?

A louse?

Carcinoma?

The piece of gum I lost after falling asleep with it in my mouth when I was three?

For cryin' out loud...What!?

The end of my youth. That's what.

In the presence of my 13-year-old daughter, my mid-life crisis kicked into full gear yesterday at the beauty shop when my hairdresser cut out a 4-inch-long gray hair from the side of my head.

Now, I've experienced grays before. Every now and then, I find a hair that has turned against me. But the one Lindsey cut from my head yesterday wasn't your ordinary, run-of-the-mill gray.

It was coarse, wiry, and without a doubt did not belong on my youthful head.

It was a militant gray.

I think it may have been the mother gray. A scout for an army of little graylings who are plotting an attack on my upcoming birthday.

I can hear their battle cry: "Let's kick her while she's down!"
I know how this will go.

Like the Nazis in World War II Europe, their quest for supremacy will not be pretty. And as I focus my attention on my head, the facist wrinkles will take advantage of the diversion and mutate my face to that of an old woman.

Divide and conquer. That's the plan.

Is there any way to win this battle?

Probably not. But that doesn't mean I'm going down without a fight.

I've enlisted the forces of L'Oreal hair color and Mary Kay wrinkle reducer.

We've already held top-secret meetings to discuss the plan of attack. The moral support they've offered has been top-notch. I'm expecting good things from this alliance.

Now, if I can only get my husband to quit calling me Grayskull.

I think he may be a spy.

7 comments:

Crimogenic said...

It was a militant gray.

Oh, my, I had to laugh out loud. Are you serious, one little gray strand? I have a new gray strand everyday. I can't fight it either... I'm doomed to gray early in life :)

JC Lamont said...

I just keep plucking them. And there are too many. Mine are silver though and they reflect light, so I try and stay out from underneath overheads. It's not fun. *sigh*

pseudosu said...

Wait until you have a zit IN a wrinkle. "Hilarious, God."

lynnrush said...

Kat, this was funny! One gray? Oh my. My sweet sister started turning gray like five years ago, and she's not even forty yet!

I'm locky cuz I'm blond (well, yeah, ok, I walked right into a few jokes there, I know) so my gray doesn't show yet.

But, I think I'm gonna be one of those who lets the gray go...I'll be wearing a long ponytail that's all gray....

Well, at least that's the plan, we'll see how I'm feeling once I start yankin' out a few gray strands, huh? **smile**

Sex Mahoney for President said...

Gray hair looks great. So do bald women. Shave your head if you don't like the gray.

Sex Mahoney for President

Jill said...

ROTFLMAO! Try and gray chin hair and see how old THAT feels! I do think you are correct about Dana though! hehe

Jill said...

Try and pull a